“It’s the mental toughness. That’s been the hardest part of coming back.” Emily Shields sits alongside her 14 month old son, Lenny, sipping a coffee as she speaks about returning to the football pitch. “I decided to come back and I decided to be there. That’s very much front of my mind.”

Were there moments where she doubted whether she’d play again? “Totally,” Em responds without hesitation. “Getting my head around the idea that I was supposed to get in the way of the thing being hurled at you is not something your brain is used to.” Whilst she had stayed fit during her pregnancy, adjusting to the movement required of a goalkeeper - the position she plays - was difficult. “All the side to side… I would finish training and I could not get out of my car.”

Naturally, her new role as a mother took some getting used to. “I was spending so much time getting my head around the fact that I’m a mum and I have a kid and that is mine.” When Lenny was four months old, Em went to her first training session in years. “To go there on my own, without him, without Tom [her partner] and to be around people that didn’t necessarily see me that way [as a mum]... that was so strange.” 

However, being surrounded by supportive teammates, coaches and staff at her club, FC Bulleen Lions, made the transition easier. “I think there was a show of faith and trust from the club that I’d be able to get myself back and that was a little push that I needed too.”

“Mostly it’s been really fun… it definitely feels more fun than it ever has been.” Em smiles as she speaks about playing now. As we talk about the different experiences she’s had on the pitch, however, she reveals that football hasn’t always been the source of joy that it is now for her.

Growing up in upstate New York, Em found herself between the sticks from a young age. “I was a really hyper kid… so the idea of diving around was a little bit appealing to me.” As she started to take football more seriously, she found herself being recruited to play at college. The intensity had taken its toll, however. “I got really burnt out… I was in tears on the way to training and having no fun.”

Two weeks before preseason started, she called her college coach. Em had decided not to play. Talking about it now, she can’t believe she had the courage to make that call. “In hindsight, it was such a massive decision, but at the time, there wasn’t another choice.” Whilst she harbours some regret about not playing at college, Em is quick to point out that saving that mental energy has allowed her to continue playing in Australia.

Moving across the globe is no small decision, but after meeting her partner Tom - an Australian - whilst working in Boston, Em applied for a year long visa. “I thought, why don’t I just go and try, just check it out… 10 and a half years later, I haven’t left.”

After she moved down under, Em found herself dependent on Tom and his social network. “I didn’t know anybody here… everything I did was reliant on him and I found that quite scary.” As she looked to create her own social connections, she searched ‘soccer team’ on the internet. That was how she landed at her first club, Yarra Jets. Em speaks highly about her time at the community club. “It was such a great group, it was really fun. A real ragtag group from all over the place with different soccer backgrounds.”

She credits the Jets for connecting her to a goalkeeping coach, which led to her playing in the Victorian NPL (top tier) in 2016. “I didn’t have any designs for it to go anywhere, necessarily.” Later that year, she was offered a trial at Melbourne City. Whilst she didn’t see game time that season - Matildas keeper Lydia Williams occupied the number one spot - she was set to make her debut in round one of the 2017/2018 season.

As she warmed up for that game, disaster struck. Em broke her wrist. “I feel like I was not a great teammate that year. That was really, really hard.” On top of the injury, trying to balance full time work with playing proved too much. She decided to step away from the A-League the following year. “Going from having a really challenging time, I couldn’t really justify to myself, and to work and to my partner, that amount of time investment at that point.”

Whilst it didn’t quite work out on the field, Em admits she’d love to have another go at playing in the A-League. For now, however, she’s focused on her season locally. As they head into their Nike F.C Cup semi final against reigning champions Calder United, Em has one word for their run so far. “Ridiculous.” 

In their first two games of the cup, they went to penalties. “These are designed for you to score. So the pressure is on you, it’s not on me.” Em describes the second game, where the quality of the penalties was so high she thought she might have to take one. “We just kept going and going and going and I was petrified. I’ve never taken a penalty in my life… not even in training.”

Fortunately she was spared, as Bulleen advanced to the quarter finals, where they again went to extra time. They narrowly avoided penalties for a third cup match in a row. For Em, the opportunity to play against teams from different leagues is important beyond simply trying to win the trophy at the end. “It’s a first step in bridging that gap between leagues, and even just having any idea of what you’re up against and what the limit is.”

As we continue to chat, our attention turns to Lenny, who’s intrigued by the music that’s just started blaring out from the cafe speakers above us. “He’s figured out walking in the last month, but dancing is brand new.” Em beams as she talks about him. “In round one he was there and I could hear him in the stands. Every now and then he’d just yell out. I like to think of him seeing me play as he grows up.”

On returning to play after giving birth, setting an example to other players was on Em’s mind. “Even just the subconscious implications of seeing someone else do it… I felt like I wanted to be a part of - in my own way - making it more normal.” 

As she was preparing to take to the field again, Em was faced with a unique situation. She thought it would take a while to compete for that number one spot again. As it turned out, Gaby - the keeper she plays alongside - was pregnant. “It was probably a good push in the sense that I needed game time, but I was a little bit scared. It’s been awesome having Gaby around and the two of us getting to share stories.”

In Australia, it seems Em has found her place, and a new home. “The lifestyle is so great. I think I’ll stay here.” Whilst she may have only intended on playing football to meet people initially, it’s clear that the impact the game has had on her has been far-reaching. Where playing once seemed like a chore, it no longer holds that association for Em. “I want to be there because it’s fun. I want to be there because it makes me feel good. I chose to be there.”